Director: Kelly Marcel
Starring: Tom Hardy, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Juno Temple, Rhys Ifans, Stephen Graham, Peggy Lu, Clark Backo, Alanna Ubach, Andy Serkis
Certificate: 15
Run Time: 109 mins

Venom: The Last Dance is the third instalment in the Venom series and the fifth in Sony’s ill-judged Spider-Man Universe. It would be fair to say that five films in, none of the Venom films, Morbius or Madame Web have hit the mark critically but because they turn a profit, they keep getting made. This third attempt picks up immediately after the events of Venom: Let There Be Carnage (a film that not even director Andy Serkis or renowned cinematographer Robert Richardson could salvage), with Tom Hardy’s Eddie Brock drunk in a bar in Mexico. Eddie’s on the run after being named the prime suspect for a murder but when a intergalactic creature starts tracking him with the Venom symbiote, he has two sets of authorities to evade. After writing both the previous films, Kelly Marcel makes her directorial debut.

And sadly, yet again, Venom: The Last Dance is an absolute car crash, feeling more like a collection of sketches than a coherent feature-length film. It all results in an aggressively odd experience bereft of laughs, thrills or any form of intelligence whatsoever. The plot, and I use the word ‘plot’ in the loosest sense possible, is non-existent and full of holes, a dancing sequence set to ABBA’s Dancing Queen laughable in how it’s meant to act as a set-piece to allow two characters to clash. The visual effects are rote, reminiscent of early 2000’s comic-book efforts, even if the film’s reasonably shot by Justice League’s Fabian Wagner.

The performances are terrible. Tom Hardy was never really able to crack the Venom shtick but at least he made an effort in the first two films – here, he just looks tired. The usually brilliant Chiwetel Ejiofor doesn’t register at all and Juno Temple is saddled with some dreadful dialogue. And then rounding off proceedings is Rhys Ifans, who you might expect to be secretly reprising his role as The Lizard from The Amazing Spider-Man and Spider-Man: No Way Home. But no, he’s wasting his time here as a washed-up hippie exploring Area 51 with his insufferable family.

It’s quite telling that after three films, Sony has proven unable to crack the formula with Venom. Although marginally better than the second, and possibly on a par with the first although the bar is incredibly low, Venom: The Last Dance is utter brainrot. Not even the star-studded cast can save this incoherent horror show. I also struggle to see who this is aimed at – on the one hand, there’s pepperings of puerile, juvenile humour aimed at children but then the film has a 15-rating for its violence and occasional strong language. Make it stop!